is your mom at the bar?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
