Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
