If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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