you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
