im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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