Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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