is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
