you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
