she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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