no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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