Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
