What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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