I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
