How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
