Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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