My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
