I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I could make wine with my vomit
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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