so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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