I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
