Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
