It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
