Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
