There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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