White coat. Heels.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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