i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
