I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
