I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
