idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
