This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
