May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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