I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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