why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
