it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
