He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
