I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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