hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
