the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its not stalking. its research.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
