It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
