so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
