it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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