Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
