so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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