Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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