Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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