i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
