my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
