Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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