omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
