Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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