we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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