I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
