i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
