we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
