don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
